A year has passed since that day
by pinkprincessmln
Summary: All about one year after Marissa's death and how Taylor tires to fix it all.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n (which I'm not sure if I'm doing right since this is my 1st time.) This is my 2nd fan fiction, but first OC one; it was up for a while and then got accidentally deleted because I'm pretty new at all this. But I have plans to continue it if I get good reviews. So please R&R!**

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Chapter one: Let me help you heal

Taylor had never seen Summer cry. And it wasn't helpful that Taylor had no idea why today, Summer had randomly come in Taylor's rooms, said she need to talk to her, and burst into tears.

"Summer, can you tell me what's wrong?" Taylor was never one to deal with her emotions, much less help others deal with there's.

"It's been a year," Summer sobbed into Taylor's shoulder, "a whole year without her. A year of changes she never got to see. Ryan finally being happy- she never got to see it."

"Summer," Taylor begged, "yes it's awful she doesn't know what's happening to us. But you have to realize, she's gone."

"But my Coop isn't here anymore. She wasn't as much your friend, I don't expect you to know, but it hurts like none other."

"Yeah Summer, I know, it's a suckey world we live in. It hurts all of us in our own ways."

"Taylor," Summer looked at her, and Taylor felt her pain all conveyed in her eyes. "Taylor, I've really tried to move on, I really have told myself everyday she's not going to walk thorough the door and help me fix things with Cohen, and it hurts. I miss Marissa. I miss my best friend."

"O Summer!" Taylor was trying to keep composed. Summer had come to her, and that made her feel like Summer was her friend, and she wanted to feel for Summer, she wanted them to bond over this, but it didn't help that Summer was still calling Marissa her best friend. But a good friend, Taylor told her self, would help Summer through all this. "O Summer, I can't say I knew her quite like you did, so I can't say I know quite how you're feeling. She wasn't my best friend, no matter how much I wanted her to be. She wasn't the one I confided in, but I know she touched all of our lives in ways we don't even know. If I hadn't idolized her, I probably would have become depressed and emo. If she hadn't been your friend, well I wouldn't have met you. We have to be strong now. We need to band together and try and move on. Marissa loved drama, we can't deny that was true, but I say we make light of the drama, by healing and moving on. Please Summer, let me help you move on. Wada say?"

"Taylor, it's not gonna be easy, it's not gonna be fun, but if you really want to help me 'heal', I guess I'll be open to anything."

Taylor, before she knew what she was doing, wrapped Summer in a hug. Taylor wasn't sure what she was going to do to help Summer, but in that moment, she felt like a true friend. She pulled away from Summer just as Summer's phone began to ring. Taylor slipped out, got in her car and drove to her next 'healing session'.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: She's not her

And it kills her inside

She'd spent the last two hours sitting in his driveway and deciding wither or not to go in. Taylor knew Ryan and her where dating, and that they had been for over 7 months, but she'd also been around him enough to know how he got when he though about her. She'd accepted that he loved her still. She knew his heart would never quite be the same. She loved him anyway. She loved all of him, she even loved how he still loved Marissa, she found it enduring in a way only Taylor Townsed could. She finally decided at least to go and find Seth. Maybe he could help her feel out Ryan's mood. Taylor walked up to the Cohen's house, rang the bell twice, rapidly, to show she meant business.

Seth answered the door with a solemn expression. They day hadn't been easy on him either, he really missed Marissa, with out her he would have never met Summer, the love of his life. When he opened the door and saw Taylor, he fought the impulse to just shut the door in her face. He liked Taylor and all, but he knew she was here to talk to Ryan, which was just not what he needed.

"Whada want Taylor?" He asked, knowing full well her answer.

"I want to see Ryan." She said in a matter of fact tone.

"Well Taylor, I don't know if he wants to see you."

"I have to Seth," she replied as she pushed herself past Seth and into his house. Seth was taken aback when he saw she was crying. "I have to make sure he's okay." She muttered to her self, while trying to show Seth her tears. " I need to help him." She pleadingly looked at Seth for just a moment. And then she regain her composer so fast Seth wondered if he had just imagined the last 2 seconds.

"Well Taylor," he was hesitant to say go ahead but he knew she would go with or without his permission. "Well Taylor, just be careful."

"Oh, don't worry Seth, I already comforted Summer, I've got this whole grief counseling thing down." And with that she headed toward the pool house, leaving Seth to wonder how come Summer had turned to Taylor, and not to him.

Taylor walked briskly to the pool house. Surprisingly she hadn't planned what to say to him, she was just going to take what came and play off it. She reached the pool house took 3 deep, cleansing breaths, and tapped on the door.

Ryan had been sitting in his room all day, going through his box of their memories. And for the 1st time he was crying. That's when he heard the knock on the door. He could tell it was Taylor, and he wasn't sure he wanted to see her. It would seem wrong for him to be crying over Marissa while his new girlfriend sat next to him, he knew that. He just didn't know if it would be bad for him, or for her. But before his head knew what his body was saying, he croaked through tears, "Come in."

Taylor slowly opened the door and cautisoulsy walked over to Ryan's bed where he was sitting, facing away from her. She had promised her self she wouldn't mess this up, so she sat on the couch and let him turn around before she said anything and when she spoke what she said suprized both her and Ryan.

"Look Ryan, I'm not going to say I know how you feel, I'm not going to tell you it's going to be okay, I'm not going to say it's all going to get better. But I will tell you this: I'll always be here if you need me." She was amazed that came out of her mouth so camley and eloquently. It was too bad Ryan had been having a bad day….

"Yeah Taylor," he replied after a few moments, "you don't know, no one dose. " He had his back to her again and was holding Marissa's Berkley sweatshirt in his arms. It still smelled like her, so he put it back in the box, he didn't ever want to forget that smell.

"Ryan," Taylor said, "I never claimed I did know, I just want to help you."

"Well Taylor, I don't want your help, I don't want you love, and I don't want you! I just want Marissa back!" Things had quickly escalated and Taylor couldn't be rantional enough to realize that he didn't really mean what he said. So she did what she knew how to do: yell back.

"Fine Ryan! You don't want me? Than I'll leave! But Ryan Attwood, no matter what you say or what you do, Marissa Cooper is NOT COMING BACK!!" And with that Taylor grabbed her bag, ran out of the pool house, sobbing. Leaving Ryan alone with the realization he'd just hurt the one girl he'd really cared about in the last year.

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**TBC? Please read and review and let me know if you would like me to keep going, I have some plans!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Sorry I haven't updated, but here is 2 new chapters to enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **Own nothing- except my ideas

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Chapter three: I don't want to move on

Taylor rushed back home with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to think about what had just happened. She hadn't really expected Ryan to act normally. She wanted him to say that he loved her, that he was over Marissa, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. She hadn't really been sure what would happen, but she wasn't expecting him to make her cry. Taylor was so used to hiding her emotions that it hurt her the most that he made her feel so completely and utterly shattered. She rushed home, think that at least she could still try and help Summer. Summer hadn't said that she wished she was Marissa, Summer, Taylor's 1st real friend, had asked for Taylor's help, and Taylor was going to give her all the help she needed, to help her heal.

Summer was still sitting in her room. Just starting at her phone. She wanted to call Seth, to have him help her get through this. But as much as she loved Seth, she knew he didn't know what to do when she got all emotional. All he could do at times like that was joke it off, and that wasn't what Summer wanted at the moment. She wanted Marissa, but since she knew she couldn't have her, she wanted Taylor. And just like that, Taylor was what she got.

"Hey Summer" Taylor said hesitantly as she stood at the door. She didn't want another episode, she had enough drama with Ryan to deal with, she was a little bit afraid that Summer would blow up at her too.

"Hi Taylor." Summer said, trying to cover up her tears. She knew Taylor was very much a girl who wasn't too fond of emotions, and she wanted to respect that, why she wanted to respect that, she wasn't quite sure. Yet she still tried to hide her tears anyway. "How are you?"

"O, I'm fine." Taylor said, in that almost too perky way of hers. "I'm just fine."

"Hey Taylor," Summer questioned what she was about to say, but finally decided that this was what she needed, and wanted, to do. "Taylor, I'd really like to take you up on that offer about helping me heal or whatever."

"Right now?" Taylor excitedly questioned. She took a deep breath, waiting for Summer to say yes or no.

"Sure, why not?" Summer looked at her phone one time more before getting up off her bead and heading toward Taylor. "Just tell me what to do."

"Okay," Taylor started. As weird as it sounded, Taylor had planned on doing this for a while, in true Taylor fashion she had googled, read, and practiced, everything that had to do with grief counseling, and she knew what Summer's best 1st step would be.

"Summer, 1st thing you need to do to heal over Marissa's death is to get rid of all the stuff around you that reminds you of her. Anything that you look at and say, 'o I remember when Marissa…' it has to go. I'll leave you alone to do it, but it needs to be done."

"Okay Taylor," Summer said hesitantly, she wasn't really sure she was ready for that, yet she knew Taylor was sure of what she was doing, she was Taylor after all.

"All right, I'll leave you be then. Just find a box and put all the stuff that reminds you of Marissa in it, and than come find me, I'll probably be out tanning, or," she sniffled, "trying to find Ryan. Bye Summer." As she rushed out the door, she didn't want to add to Summer's current drama, so she left.

Summer sat at her desk staring at her bed. She wasn't sure what had just happened to Taylor, but currently she wasn't in the mood to go chase after her to find out. She sat back and looked at her desk. On it there where pictures of the four of them. There they where, it was when Ryan 1st came to Newport. It was her favorite picture of them all. Summer and Seth where sitting on the couch making out, and next to them Ryan and Marissa where deep in conversation, looking into each others eyes like they where really and truly in love. Summer smiled every time she saw it, because she knew that all of them meshed so well together because they where all friends. Every one of them was a friend with the other, and it made her truly happy inside to know that she always had those friends to fall back on. She didn't want to loose that picture. But according to Taylor she had to.

Summer's head started to spin. She wanted to cry, laugh and puke all at the same time. How was she supposed to get rid of all these things that represented the better part of her 19 years? Everything in that room held a memory of Marissa, all of it, from the bed sheets she and Marissa had driven up to L.A. to find, to her mouse pad, which Marissa, Seth, and Ryan had all singed when they had become 'the fab four'. Summer couldn't and wouldn't get rid of all the things she held dear.

But, Summer reasoned, what can I do? Taylor is causing me all these problems, but she was the only one I could talk to about this, unless…

AS much as she had just talked her self out of it, she knew she had to, if only for her sanity. She picked up the phone and hit speed dial number one, calling Seth. It rang, once, twice, three times, then after what seemed like forever, he answered.

"Hey babe, what's up?" Before he had finished the word 'babe' she was in tears. Usually she tried not to think about the fact that without Marissa, she would have never met Seth, she wouldn't have known the love of her life and she would never be able to thank Marissa for that again.

Seth knew she was crying and debated wither or not to ask her how she was doing. The answer was obviously 'not well' yet he didn't want to seem insensitive. He would rather Summer not call him the latter, so he asked her anyway.

"How are you?" He regretted it as soon as it came out of his mouth, for it only caused more tears to come forth. And even though Summer had a silent cry, the kind where all your energy is used in your tears, Seth could tell she was bawling.

"Awful," Summer admitted, she felt so guilty thought, placing the blame for this newfound emotional low on someone, Marissa, that couldn't defended themselves. So she blamed it on the only reason she'd called, "and it's all damn Taylor's fault."

Taylor, in her true fashion, had come to check on Summer while the conversation occurred. Needless to say, Taylor's day had just gone from bad to worse.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: He tries and she just doesn't see it

Taylor ran out of the house. She didn't want to be near Summer, and she didn't want to be near Ryan. And after Summer had just talked to Seth, she didn't want to be near him either. So she went to the 1st place she though of, the beach. She drove, trying to keep the tears from welling up in her eyes. A lot of things about the day had hurt her. Not only had she never gotten to morn Marissa's death, but all her friends her angry at her too.

So she got out of the car and ran to the beach. She sat in the sand and drew words and pictures with her finger as she shed a hundred silent tears for all that had been lost or broken on that day.

Meanwhile, Ryan sat brooding in the pool house. He knew he had hurt Taylor, but he also knew he missed Marissa with every fiber of his being at that moment. He knew it was going to hurt, but for some reason his mind wanted him to go back there and so his body senselessly got in the car and drove, as if on autopilot to the life guard stand where he and Marissa had been all those nights ago.

As he parked his car he say a green range rover on his right. Funny, he though that looks just like Taylor's car. Yet he was so wrapped up in his own thoughts he didn't really pay that much attention to it. He took off, sprinting toward the lifeguard stand on his right and not noticing Taylor's body silently crying in the sand just to his left. He ran to the lifeguard stand and when he got there his legs gave out and so did the wall that had been holding back his tears.

He sat there and cried for what seemed like, and probably was, hours. He cried for the loss of his 1st true love, the 1st person who made him feel like he was perfect. He cried because she died in his arms and he didn't even think to say 'I love you'. He cried because he was crying. He cried because she couldn't ever come back. He cried because he was okay with it.

Wait… he was okay with it. Not happy with it, a little bit guilty about it, but it didn't dictate his life anymore. He didn't wake up ever morning thinking about it. He didn't dream about it ½ as much as he used to. He was moving on and as cliché as it sounded, he knew Marissa would be fine with that. T

They would never have been together anyway; the letter he had found at chrismakah had made that clear. So maybe no matter what happened he was meant to be with Taylor.

Taylor… he'd knew he had hurt her that day and he knew he loved her. What a strange thing to finally admit, that he felt the same way about her that he had felt about Marissa. Taylor, he had to go find her and apologize. He walked back toward the car, his mind pensive and thoughtful.

Taylor had been staring at the sand and crying for a long time. She had cried for all the times in her life she hadn't cried. After about an hour she had got very methodical in her tears. 5 minutes forever she'd idolized Marissa, 55 minutes for 11 years. 30 minutes for the time Marissa and her where friends and 30 minutes for Ryan.

Ryan who she loved. Ryan who had killed her when he compared her to Marissa. Ryan who… was walking toward her right now?

Both realized who the other was at the same time and instantly they ran toward each other. They collapsed on the beach in each other's arms and cried, they cried for uncharacteristically long amounts of time. But they had both been out of character all day. Finally it was Ryan who pulled them apart and spoke.

"I'm sorry Taylor, I just…"

"O Ryan, I just wanted to help you." She sniffled, "because that's me Taylor the helpful."

"Taylor, it's fine I just want…"

"I mean really Ryan, all I was trying o do was help you, because I really do love you."

"Taylor let me talk!" Ryan was quickly becoming annoyed. He wanted to say he loved her, but it just wasn't easy when she wouldn't let him speak.

"O, I'm sorry Ryan, I was just trying to help."

"Well Taylor," Ryan said suddenly and insanely angry, "I don't need your help."

"Well," Taylor camly replied, "Sorry Ryan, I just…"

" Was trying to help, I know. Look Taylor, honestly I can't deal with this, with us, right now, so I'm just gonna go."

And with that Ryan got up and left Taylor with her life seeming to crumble around him.


End file.
